This is what a weight loss of 100 pounds really looks like

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I recently read about weight loss 172 pounds according to Figure Shape magazine refused to publish it, because the picture showed too much loose skin. As someone who has lost about a hundred pounds myself, I identify with the frustration I felt myself looking at the before and after pictures in fitness magazines. Not show these pictures, stretch marks, sagging skin and metabolism in neutral accompanying extreme weight loss. And they do not begin to convey the serious mental struggles, see come keep such a large portion of the melt and the endless and exhausting struggle for its new identity.

If I wait for the subway after work, for example, I run through everything we ate that day. Sometimes, I make sure that I do not feel guilty to eat dinner, but mostly I'm checking to assure me that I did nothing wrong. My fire to distraction at work is usually not buzzfeed city, I google Celebrity Photos and measurements of size. I hate math, but every day, my head swimming in numbers. I am an expert in calculating how many calories my body burns at rest, that the number of reps and sets have not been filled out. My BMI. My report to hip measurement. My body fat percentage. These are the numbers. Far too long, I mean measured value

This is the healthiest picture of my body always.

About a year and a half, I could not ask for a third drink in a bar, without pause I thought cry at the end of the night; if I'm not drunk, I could see the voice that says, the people were just letting me go that low, just feel sorry for me, because they are too large to not ignore. But if I had drunk too much, crossed these thoughts and threatened to drown. Two years after I weight, the voice that reminds me how much weight I have to lose before I would be nice and successful, although lost friendly, was stronger than the reason for my friends, family, and a part of me, an adult, educated woman who knows that in order to be on top of everything.

Sometimes I like my body. I love that I'm not small or thin. I love my breasts, my quadriceps. I feel feminine and strong, and I want other people appreciate my body as I do. Although I never be able to function without wobble or wear short pants and without impatience, it is very simple to me that he likes this way of immutable; this was my identity in my life. And besides, why should I? I want beautiful, because of who I am, to be what I do not weigh.

And then, of course, most of the other time, I think, to get a laser or knife to steal all this excess. My hips, thighs, and everything disappears down enough for me to run fast and far, for me, around the office with a pencil skirt and a swim in the summer and without shame to walk with comfort.

Early last summer, the rational part of me, the part that condemn my body instead keeps them was stronger. Eventually, I realized, like a revelation, maybe I should not say how active fat I am and what I'm not good enough. For the first time in my life I began to see my thoughts. I on, that I never so I tried, perfect or at least our version of the same culture began to accept.

But while I was on the scale again self hate work, I followed the food and training obsessively, to tell me that I only work fitter to become healthier. But the more I worked, the more resistance my body. After months of intermittent fasting carb cycling, calorie counting, and several trips to the gym one day I hurt my metabolism to the point, lost that I gained at least 30 kilos back. My body is so worn out that I beat chronic fatigue and illness for months, to the point that I do not go to work every day, let alone that it to the gym.

This loss of control has not sent me to the kind of hysteria and depression, had a year ago, but in recent months, still crying after with a photo of me tagged in Facebook arrive. I canceled plans with friends at the last minute just because I thought that everything I stated in my look fat. I continue to avoid the cameras and mirrors in the dressing room, and have always, always monitor the voice in my head threatening to remember how thin my friends who want my closest friends for a burger, and then I ordered one salad, one that says that his colleagues do not respect you for it, so he was not interested.

Most of the time, the voice box. In fact, I'm surprised he stayed as quiet as it has. I'm still appear to remind me, determined and with a sigh, I'm not good enough, I have to skip dinner, I must although'm do more exercise, sore and exhausted and can barely walk. Sometimes I miss that voice, because it is the thing that helped me lose a hundred pounds. This is what has helped me throughout the process of weight loss, which is the hardest thing I've ever done. I can not bear it happen again.

Although I have learned to accept myself, I have to lose fear of love, means that I have the discipline and monitoring changes. I fear for the people who are so proud of myself that losing weight to look everything three years ago, which seemed to me back and left disappointed.

Basically, I know that a part of me, the owner of the voice, too many years I heard, do not want to reach, the company says, is the ideal number. For what is left for them to hate then?

People love to hear stories about the dramatic weight loss, and no one has ever hesitated to tell me how good I looked again the weight came from was. But what I have described here is what it really is like losing a hundred pounds. That's what it feels like to a woman who sees the evidence around them every day how much he misses her and what should be, what could be if they just try a little harder.

Therefore feel millions of women in this country. Millions of beautiful, capable, intelligent and successful women. Sense of what is important to lose them and making them matter can, just because they 10 instead of 4

This is crazy. Perfect is a boring word, and that is the less noble or courageous than we achieve the goal.

As we live in a beautiful place where the best we can as women is to be, is the least we can do is to redefine beauty do not see how much we weigh or how we look, but how often we laugh, how you can help, and we feel the amount of gratitude to us, not what we need, but for all that we have, everything we are now, and each pulse we have the possibility always feel Beat.

This is the kind of fitness should publish magazines.